17

Turned 17 yesterday and I felt no different. Didn't realise it was my birthday until someone wished me "happy bday" on Facebook. I wonder when I started to think less of my birthday? Okay, I LOVE celebrating other people's birthdays, but when it comes to my own, I don't really think much of it..

When I was a kid, I used to think that birthdays are EPIC and significant. That feeling of excitement died in me awhile back. Friends around me were fortunate to enjoy the companionship of their peers because their birthdays fall on any other regular day. Mine, however, occurs during the school holidays.. and I never really had a chance to partake such an experience.

Over the years, the boy who had feelings of excitement and joy in anticipation of his birthday saw nothing in that day anymore. Year after year, his expectations let him down. He'd expect to have something similar to what his friends had for their birthdays, but nothing ever happened. Soon, he'd decided not to expect anything anymore. It was simply too depressing.

Rather than coveting this "joy" others have, he would join in the excitement of others' birthday and disregard his own concerns. However, each time when a friend's birthday was celebrated, he would be reminded of what he never had. The boy couldn't take it any longer and as such, he sought a solution to remove such feelings. He would start to forget the significance of his own birthday.

A few years have passed since then, and his birthday had little meaning to him. Every year, on the 26th of November, he would regard the day like any other day of the year, with the exception of a cake after dinner to acknowledge the anniversary of his entrance to this world. And that was it.

This came to an abrupt halt a few years ago. A few of the boy's friends pleasantly surprised him by giving him a cute little gift. It was more than a month after his actual birthday and it was the first week of school. He was confused, but he generated a natural response. "Thank you", he said. Whilst he said that, deep in him, those old feelings started to surface once again. And at the corner of his face, one could see the faint smile he held at that moment.

Since then, the boy's perception on things have changed. He is no longer disheartened by such things and he accepts things the way they are. Whether he would receive that little piece of joy every now and then or not, he would still hold his head high.

This year, a group of silly, immature, funny, annoying, smart and nice people took me out for my birthday.
We started off eating lunch at some asian place, got soaked in the rain, crashed at a buffalo's place, watched some shows there and went home.

Okay, it's definitely not as eventful as any other day out, however, it made my day. It may not have meant much to those friends in M'sia from a few years ago and the ones in Melbourne now, but I really appreciate them for making my birthday something meaningful to me.

So to you guys out there, thank you :)

Blues

Exams ended for about 2 weeks now.
Caught up on anime, played tennis, watched some movies, played guitar, killed the guitar, went out, etc. Been there, done that. The things I've done weren't really productive, but heck, they were fun ;) Unfortunately, I have this thing within me that makes me feel bad for doing nothing constructive over the last 2 weeks ==" To make me feel better about myself, I should probably find more productive things to do. As such I've made a small to-do list. Things to do over the next few days:
- Fix the guitar
- Generate shopping list
- Pack for M'sia
- Update blog (done! :P)
- Finish ice cream before leaving 
- .... do holiday homework? (eww)

The Playbook, Barney Stinson

The context within this quote is altered entirely when quoted in the foreword section of this book.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation - Plato

Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving

Time to step up my game.
 

"If only..."

Often times I stop to ponder about things. I often ponder about very deep things that people tend to pass off as something too confusing, depressing, pessimistic, unsuitable for our age, unsuitable for our circumstances and etcetera. Little do people understand why I do continue to ponder about these things, even though they often are depressing.

Ever come across a situation where you wished "If only I had realised something sooner"?

Here's a modified example of what I pondered over.. when I was only 15.

Don't want to pop anyone's bubble out there, but here's something to think about. High school ends for those of you in M'sia in a few months time. High school ends for those of you in Melbourne in about a year.

After all this while, you've definitely made friends. Friends ranging from the "hi-bye" friends, normal friends, good friends and best friends. The thing is, after high school, everyone goes their own way and you'll won't be as close to them anymore.

One might say that it is possible to keep in touch via Facebook, Hotmail, MSN, meeting up and etc. To be honest, that statement does not prove false. I have been keeping in touch with some of my friends in M'sia. However, the numbers are few.

Realistically, the chances of you keeping in touch with your good friends are low. Only the best friends would put in the effort to keep in touch with you. Even so, some best friends wouldn't even do it.

This brings about 2 questions:
1. "Why won't they keep in touch with me?"
2. "Who would?"

1. Once you've all parted and started a new life in uni/further education, you'll make new friends. Your interests change. Your priorities change. And a whole lot of other things change. When you meet again, you will never be the same again and so will they. Of course there are exceptions e.g. when you become room-mates. But apart from them, what about everyone else you used to know?

2. The answer lies in the kind of friends you make. What kind of friends are there? There is a long list of them, but I'll just highlight the few of them that are applicable to us adolescents:
a. The kind that seeks for companionship based on the things that they commonly do together. e.g. There's always a group of people who commonly associate themselves with games. Most of the time, apart from games, they share nothing else. This kind of relationship is shallow. Once their games are removed, they have nothing much to relate to each other about.
b. The kind that seeks the relationship casually. Most of the time, they do so for assurance and a peace of heart that you're not alone i.e. They don't want to feel left out. They often only talk only about trivial things, joke around, hang out with friends and etc, with the mindset of simplicity. They never delve into the relationship to form closer relationships; they refrain from doing so. On a side note, these people are often manipulated by peer pressure.
c. The kind where you seek the relationship because he/she wants to genuinely get to know that person and develop a healthy, mutual friendship. They would do all the following activities with one another, but with a different mindset. Ups and downs would be faced together, advice would be given not to please the person but for the benefit of the other even though it's bad and etc.

Obviously, type c would be the only one to reciprocate the effort you put in to keep in touch. The first and second one would just find new companions to assure themselves.

Sadly, the number of people who are from type c are very few. This is because, nobody thinks carefully about the kinds relationships they should make in high school. Ultimately, those ignorant of these facts will realise that their high school years weren't as meaningful because they never developed such a friendship. So I pose a question to you all today: "Will any of your friends keep in touch with you after you've all parted? If so, who?"

Crunch the numbers. It's pessimistic. It's tragic. It's depressing. It's real. Reality bites. Less than 1% of the adolescent population have ever come to this realisation at an early stage to do something about it.. Would you make a difference?

Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

Ok, in anticipation to those who are confused by such a piece of writing, that was just a creative approach I used to address something. That "something" was merely the phenomenon where I realised how little time we have left on Earth, and how we spend it meaninglessly.

It begins with me asking myself "Have I lived a meaningful life?", and then I stop to remember my past to see where things have went wrong and what can I do to improve life now. After taking myself out of that deep thought, I made comparisons with life now and ultimately, I see hope.

LOL. Okay that was just one paragraph that summed up the whole post below, no? haha. Well, the reason I did that was to.... make the blog posts more interesting.. I guess? haha dunno if that worked..but yeah. Read some creative writing and I was somehow inspired to do some.. I guess I'll stave that off from now on.

Oh well. Anyway, to the other things that've happened in the past month. I've taken the Myer-Briggs Personality Test and I am a ESTJ or an ESFJ. So Shannen and Janie, you were partially right. Although that psych dude said I could be occasionally T and F at times according to the scenario.

And the Athletics Carnival took place last Friday, and it was epic!!! X3 well, for others really but the epicness sorta passed on to me. The high jumps were like awesome!! the best jumpers were crossdressers and one Navi' dude. lol. Avatar fan much. xD Anyway, those dudes made a freakin' 160cm++ jump. Apart from that, the carnival was similar to that of the Swimming Carnival. So yeah. Just loitered around pretty much. Played some cards and that was about it. Pics are on FB so yeah. The convenience surpasses that of here ^^

Ok. Bedtime. Toodles. Will post a more elaborate post next time..

Tick Tock.

My digital clock's colon blinked at me as time passes slowly.
Wait. Stop...
Okay, maybe that's an understatement.
Time is passing extremely quickly.
Even as I'm typing now, I cannot fully comprehend the situation.

In 24 hours,
I spend approximately 33.33% of it sleeping.
I spend approximately 25% of it in school.
I spend approximately 10% of it on studying at home.
I spend approximately 5-10% of it eating food.
I spend approximately 10% of my time doing chores.
I spend approximately 15% of my time doing whatever I like which is usually unfruitful for the most of me.
Out of that 15%, less than 5% of it is meaningful.

By following such a vague routine everyday, I've long ago lost track of my sense of time.
Days whizz past me quicker than ever.
Perhaps I'm getting older.
Perhaps I'm enjoying things now.
Perhaps I'm ignorant of these things.

What happened to those times where a second felt like an eternity?
I still see that 10 year old boy, wishing time would pass me by faster so that I may grow up.
Little did I realise that time had pressed the fast-forward button on me.
2x faster. 4x faster. 8x faster. 16x faster.
Had I not realised that things around me sped up like so, I would've wasted me life away, leaving me speechless at the time when the question was presented to me.

"Have I lived a meaningful life?"

I could only stare blankly at it.
Clueless.
Confused.
Disorientated.
Uncertain.
Anxious.
Afraid.

As I thought about it, sweat trickled down my cheekbone.
The drop hit the floor with a loud thud.
It was as if it caused a massive ripple in the clear waters of a still pond.
As that thud echoed around me, time re-winded it self and started replaying again.

Happy and sad times were revisited.
Laughter was shared.
Tears were shed.
Looking at those vivid episodes of my life, I couldn't help but give a bittersweet smile.
Then time pressed the fast-forward button.
This time however, I was able to grasp all those times which I carelessly discarded into the back of mind.
It was only then, did I realise the significance of those events that have occurred.
Regret filled my mind at my unawareness of life then.

The ripple in that pond slowly came to a halt and the waters were still once again.
The show came to an end when the most recent moments were played out.
The credits did not roll out.
There was no coda at the end of this piece of music.
I was left there in the quietude once again.
 
It was there that I managed to find the answer that I sought.
"There is more living than just being alive"
Deriving some hidden messages from this Latin proverb alone,
The gears in my head churned for a logical conclusion.
God knows how long it took me to answer this question.
But I finally found the answer.

I blinked as the clock beeped when it hit the hour.
I avert my eyes outside my window and to the sky.
The moon manifests itself in the horizon,
It's faint glow illuminated my hopes for the future as the past lay subtly in my shadows.
And in a very very long time, I started to smile as that glow gently filled the stratosphere.

Argh.. the feeling of stress is really unpleasant.

Ok. I forgot to blog the previous month. I guess that's how much determination I have on keeping my blog alive. Meh.

Ever felt that you were well behind your classmates in studies? Well, yeah. That feeling ain't pleasant. Especially when you really want to score higher than someone..and fail to do so. Oh, and the times when actually you beat that someone by a mark or two, or occasionally get a draw, that person will beat you by like 10 marks or more in the next test :) Haha. I used to be in that situation and I still am.

Apart from that, life here's pretty... cold... and wet lately. Mowing the lawn is a pain since it takes up like 1.5 hours.. and killing those damned weeds are a pain in the butt. For some reason, they have the ability to revive themselves from the dead...even though I've pulled them out completely from the soil... which worsens the tedious task of eradicating them. I am contemplating on getting fake turf (fake grass) for my new house..like seriously!! At least they look green all year round and not yellow during summer... oh, and they look more realistic now since they've been improving.

A couple of weeks ago, there was this workshop.. a psychology workshop to be specific. It was intended to train students to be reliable friends to those who are troubled. 52 students applied, only 28 got picked randomly, and I was one of the 28. (Duh, or else I won't be blogging about this =P) Went there...got free lunch, free training, free certificate and a free badge..which looked a bit tacky. In the end, I now know to deal with people who have problems like, suicidal thoughts (er..lol?), sex life (er..lol again?), social problems, etc. Counselling people was also a new "skill" I've learnt. Well, yeah.. all those useful things were learnt in one day. Hopefully, the cert will look got on my resume =)

Well, back to studies.. mid-terms are around the corner.

Sublime peace

Okay. I kinda forgot to blog..even though I did say that it would be one of my resolutions this year. Darn it. Oh well. Only missed Feb.

Righto, time to sum up all that has happened over the last month.
- There was a Swimming Sports event
- There was camp

Now to the details.

Swimming sports is basically an activity where the whole school goes to the aquatic centre near our suburb for competitions and basically to chill out from the stress. The swimming relays aren't compulsory so those who can't be bothered, basically "lepaks" around. Like what me and my friends did xD. Prolly participate next year though. Looked like fun.. Apart from that, you'll see the final-year students dressing up really radically. Hmm.. you can find a Pac-Man dude, guys-only-cheerleading squad (with their double-D balloons and bras..God knows how they got them), pirates, ninjas, the hula skirt-briefs-topless guy gang and more. Really gay but funny =)

Camp was pretty awesome considering it's my first time going to Phillip Island. Food and accommodation was alright and the activities were cool =) There was this giant swing (30m high and yes they heave you up there for the drop with some a pulley mechanism hooked to your harness), canoeing, raft-making, maze (human sized.. pretty cool despite meeting several dead-ends), rope-obstacle course(involves balancing 7m off the ground with all the equipment provided) and flying-fox. Boy am I glad I was a scout..helped me out for the raft-making. And the swing? Extreeeeeeeme G-force.. like..if-you-are-afraid-of-heights-you-might-wet-your-pants-extreme. Of course, I love roller-coasters so it was fun xD well for me.. discovered a significant amount of people afraid of heights.. it was surprising actually.. ah well. They don't know what they're missing out =P

Oh and I went bowling with my youth group too! LoL.. For some reason, they think I am a pro bowler because..hmm.. I might have accidentally scored a strike on my first bowl..lol. Ok. Those who have seen me bowl obviously know that that never happens.. so came to realise that the lanes were kinda...short. Okay. Kinda is an understatement. Maybe at least 25% shorter than the ones we see in M'sia. I had the joy of owning them for the first match xD then fatigue kicked in and I pretty much got pwned in the second match. Meh.

Missed the fireworks this year, but I've still got more to come, right?

2010. Hmm.. ever heard the lines that go - "The young pursue their future while the old cling on to the past"? That line comes to mind every new year... for an unknown reason =) I guess it reminds me to balance both my feelings for the future and the past.

Ok this is the first post of the year! I shall try to maintain "a post a month". One of my resolutions. Yes, you may add that in to the resolution list you made me write, Sze.

Well, it was quite unofficial, but I came back to lovely M'sia for a nice lil' holiday since the 5th of Dec. Went to Bali after that, then to S'pore. And I've settled down for a bit until the HK trip next week. Went out in between the trips and watched several movies. Boy, this is a really undescriptive summary XD