Reflection. Repair. Restoration.

It seems that in the past few weeks my thought processes and emotional well-being has been severely affected and I can never get my thoughts straightened out. I can't really express my thoughts clearly in an organised fashion. Thus, I'll be taking a break until I can find a way to resolve the disarray in myself.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends" John 15:13

To truly love is to love sacrificially - to love expecting nothing in return.

This is what I aspire to do.

Restart.

It's almost three years now. This vivid landscape that I've come to adapt to. Despite the temperamental weather which is either depressing or uplifting, despite the differences in culture which has its good and bad, I have come to love this place.

Three years ago, during that dark night on that taxiing plane, I came to realise how much everyone meant to me back at my first home as I floated away into the horizon. Looking out that cold glass window into the dark and gloomy sky only reflected my heart's uncertainty and hopelessness in the future.

Much to my pleasant surprise, things went well - a rough start getting used to the new environment perhaps, but over the years many close bonds were formed and many fond memories were made over this time. The moments we shared were fun and boring, happy and sad, smart and stupid, epic and ... anticlimactic, dnm and trivial and so much more. All these years spent with all of you were fantastic and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Walking out those doors for the last time today as a high school student suddenly struck me so hard, because the thought of "this is it" comes to mind. Like some out there, I have come to accept the end of my adolescent days and I readied myself for the new beginning in the distant future. But I couldn't ready myself for the feelings of sadness and nostalgia that would overwhelm me on the very day that school ended forever.

Like three years ago, another parting happened today. Like three years ago, I cannot fully fathom my emotions. All I know is that I'm happy that school is over, yet sad that school is over. Happy that I've accomplished an achievement in life, sad that there I'll no longer have those moments with my friends anymore. Happy that I'm no longer subject to the restrictions of a student, sad that I'm no longer able to enjoy the carefree life of a student.

Though I'm already reminiscing the long and incredible journey we all had together, I've learnt to look upon life in a brighter light, knowing that God has a great plan for all of us. Today is an end to a certain chapter in my life, but I'm thankful for Him for blessing me with such precious memories to keep forever.

Thank you, MWSC Class of 2011 for such amazing memories, ones that I'll always look back to with a smile :)

Let the pain seep through the crevasses of my heart

As I continue to tread forward, I find myself repeatedly tangled in a string of pain.

I can only pray upon the Lord, that he may grant me His understanding, peace and strength for me to endure through this.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." - Psalms 23:1-3

I'm sorry (for the umpteenth time)

To my friends and family,

Perhaps some of you may have realised that we've become more distant than before. I have never meant to but things have changed in the past few months. Many things have happened during that time and my priorities have now shifted away from socialising. I don't think it's right of me to have done that, so I wish to say that I am sorry for all the neglect that I have put you all through.

I know things cannot remain this way and that things have to change. Compelled by this conviction, I'm starting to change. No matter how hard it may be or how long it will take, I will find the balance.

Transatlanticism

I need you so much closer

Bittersweet

Only 3 months and a bit left. We can do this.

Little Things

Too often we don't realise
what we have until it's gone
Too often we wait too late to say
"I'm sorry - I was wrong"

Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
We hold dearest to our hearts
And we allow foolish things
To tear our lives apart

Far too many times we let
unimportant things into our minds
And then it's usually too late
To see what made us blind

So be sure that you let people know
How much they mean to you
Take time to say the words
Before your time is through

Be sure that you appreciate
Everything you've got
And be thankful for the
Little things in life that mean a lot

Anonymous

Little things do count after all

Wake up

My well has been dry for a long time now.
Yet I sought out shallow things to replace this emptiness.
It's been a long time since I've regained my senses.
I remember now - all I need is You.

Just came back from my youth camp and I feel refreshed. My eyes are open. My ears are more perceptive to more things now. Just realised a spiritual awaking was what I needed the most. And I got it :) Though I am in a state of confusion, I take comfort in the fact that all this is just a small phase in life - a peanut :) It is minute in comparison to many other greater things that will happen in life. For now, it is only the beginning.

Re:Re:

You were with me when I needed somebody. Even if it was just a second, you helped me drop my facade, allowing me to release those pent up feelings.
Also, I haven't had a real laugh in awhile. You truly made my day :)
To that "fireman" out there, thank you. I guess that makes us even now, eh? :)

Sparkling lights

Along with the end of the strenuous exams, we year 12's were able to enjoy ourselves in our school formal at The International. The place was pretty fancy but the food was kinda subpar to what we expect from $70. Oh well. The decent music, dancing and great time with friends made the time awesome. On the way out, I saw someone carrying out a massive tower of balloons with a star on the top. So that gave me some inspiration and we in the end, we ninja-ed the "2011" balloons from the formal ;D hahaha

Took the Hummer back after the formal and it was pretty darn cool :P it had EPIC sub-woofers, epic flashing lights and zomg the smoke machine was LEGEN-wait for it-DARY :D haha. Pretty good 1 hour trip to the city and back to Wynne's place for the after-party.

Got a pretty cool slideshow of caf's photos and we had a photo-shoot in our formal attire before watching a movie. As expected, a few people KO-ed during the movie due to fatigue but I somehow managed to pull through :P till 5.30 anyway. lol.

Woke up at 8am-ish to prepare breakfast. Yay for pancakes. Next time if pancakes are involved, we're getting pre-mixed ones lol. Cooked shin ramyun and Wynne's parents fried some rice for us (Asian food ftw!) and it was aweshome :3

The remaining of us just rolled around, went to sleep and helped Wynne with a puzzle. lol. Overall, the time spent with everyone was epic :)

Assumptions

Don't make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Miguel Angel Ruiz

Most of our assumptions have outlived their uselessness.
Marshall McLuhan

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
Henry Winkler

Who are you?

"When you are in the popular crowd you are more likely to be conformist, you are more likely to hide aspects of your identity in order to fit into the crowd, you are more likely to be involved in relational aggression, you are more likely to have goals of social dominance rather than forming actual true friendships. You are more likely to let other people pressure you into doing things. None of those things is admirable or useful as adults."

Read an article somewhere and I found this piece interesting. Speaking within the context of individuals in a social group context, it's clear that there are 3 types of individuals:
- The influential
- The influenced
- The neutral

Those who suppress others by using the social standards are the worst. They have a grotesque image of a dictator whose desire is to be at the top of the food chain. Yes. These influential people have a weak identity. Couple that with an immature, ignorant and shallow mind, and you get the aggressive leaders in the pack. Yes. Regardless whether they realise it or not, they are the ones responsible for enforcing the social/peer pressures that exist in society today. It is said: "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch." That's the reality of peer pressure today.

These people are nothing other than weak-willed individuals who cannot fend for their own identity, thriving on the sense of belonging that they gain from enforcing their ideals on their 'friends'. And the friendships built around them? They're shallow. "...you are more likely to have goals of social dominance rather than forming actual true friendships." Can you really call them your "best-friends"? These are your so-called-friends who will lose touch with you when you no longer have any common grounds (school, uni, etc) with them. Of course, there are exceptions. However, you and I know the numbers are few. Very few.

In the case of those who are influenced, conformity only results in the lost of identity. Conforming to the expectations of the world only shows how weak your sense of identity is. Why does that imply your identity is weak?

"I want to fit in"
"I want to belong"
"I need to do... to fit in"

Do you feel that way? Are you afraid of being left out? Will you sacrifice part of your identity for the sake of belonging?

Isolate that kid from his/her group and you'll notice how weak that person's identity is. How that identity evaporates outside their social group. How shallow his/her friendships are.

What of the neutral then? They are those who have a strong sense of identity which does not falter and remains constant through time. They do not compel others to conform to their ways, rather, they respect other's individuality. They're also not affected by the social norms and often suffer persecution by the influential people and their underlings, the influenced, who blindly follow their dictators' whims. Despite so, these are the people who gain true and invaluable friendships. And believe it or not, they are often the more successful people in life, because they believe in their own virtues.

So who are you? Are you an ignorant dictator? Are you a conformist with a brittle identity? Are you an individual with individuality?

What is your identity?

GAH

Went the shop to collect the guitar and to my dismay, the electronics didn't work AGAIN.

Maybe it's because of that jinx... lol.

That's another 2 more weeks of waiting time >.>
  

Well that was short-lived

Oh yay. The electronics on the guitar just had to die.
Now I have to go back and reorder a new one =="
      

^^

Finally bought my new acoustic guitar ;)

Takamine EG460SC